I met Scarlett in one of my attempts to lose weight on a trail behind my father’s house in the desert. He lived in a retirement community in Henderson, Nevada where all the houses are identical and from time to time a cute senior citizen strolls into your house while you are cooking sausages in your underwear. There I was hiking with two dogs in tow, although I was very much out of shape so it may have been me, following the dogs. Bloo, was a stubborn English Shepherd and Border Collie mix, and Goose my father’s fat Golden Chow mix; ran up and down the trail growling, nipping, and chasing at each other, as they usually do. They grew up together and I’ve decided are frenemies, like most friendships reported in the tabloids.
I huffed and puffed up the hillside, my thighs radiating an uncomfortable heat and burning me from the inside. Every minute or so I would scream at the dogs, “No, Stop, leave it” in the scariest voice I can conjure; which usually sounds as though I just smoked a carton of cigarettes. As I reached the summit of the unimpressive inclined hill; I saw her. The sun beamed on her body and created those squiggly invisible lines, that aren’t really invisible if I can see them. Scarlett was a statuesque vision in heat soaked arid landscape. Her hair was frizzy and firey red, and every inch of her 12% fat contained body craved with perfect precision. At first I thought I was going through a diabetic hallucination, but I was years and several pounds away from that.
Then I realized that I shouldn’t have been able to see every perfect inch of her perfectly toned body, she was definitely stark naked. It was uncomfortable seeing a woman naked, only because I haven’t seen my own body naked since I was ten. Growing up in a strict Christian environment gives a girl a several issues; the one affecting me at that very moment was thou shalt not see carnal nakedness.
I opened my mouth to speak and a familiar husky dog threatening tone belted, “Excuse me miss why are you naked?” I cleared my throat and said normally, “Err, I mean are you okay?” Her pouty lips parted but no sound slipped through. She shook her head and her hair bounced from side to side.
“Ok I’ll go get some help. Stay where you are so I can find you again.”
“No…” She said weakly. “I just need some clothes.”
“I’ll run back to the house it shouldn’t take too long. I’ll be back.”
I turn and started running back down the hill. After a 30 foot sprint down the hill, I slowed to a jiggley jog. My head whizzed thousands thoughts as I jogged down the hill. Who was this woman? What happened to her? Does her hair color come from a bottle? How come god didn’t bless me with rock hard abs?
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