Scarlett

I met Scarlett in one of my attempts to lose weight on a trail behind my father’s house in the desert.  He lived in a retirement community in Henderson, Nevada where all the houses are identical and from time to time a cute senior citizen strolls into your house while you are cooking sausages in your underwear. There I was hiking with two dogs in tow, although I was very much out of shape so it may have been me, following the dogs. Bloo, was a stubborn English Shepherd and Border Collie mix, and Goose my father’s fat Golden Chow mix; ran up and down the trail growling, nipping, and chasing at each other, as they usually do. They grew up together and I’ve decided are frenemies, like most friendships reported in the tabloids.

I huffed and puffed up the hillside, my thighs radiating an uncomfortable heat and burning me from the inside. Every minute or so I would scream at the dogs, “No, Stop, leave it” in the scariest voice I can conjure; which usually sounds as though I just smoked a carton of cigarettes. As I reached the summit of the unimpressive inclined hill; I saw her. The sun beamed on her body and created those squiggly invisible lines, that aren’t really invisible if I can see them.  Scarlett was a statuesque vision in heat soaked arid landscape. Her hair was frizzy and firey red, and every inch of her 12% fat contained body craved with perfect precision. At first I thought I was going through a diabetic hallucination, but I was years and several pounds away from that.

Then I realized that I shouldn’t have been able to see every perfect inch of her perfectly toned body, she was definitely stark naked.  It was uncomfortable seeing a woman naked, only because I haven’t seen my own body naked since I was ten. Growing up in a strict Christian environment gives a girl a several issues; the one affecting me at that very moment was thou shalt not see carnal nakedness.

I opened my mouth to speak and a familiar husky dog threatening tone belted, “Excuse me miss why are you naked?” I cleared my throat and said normally, “Err, I mean are you okay?”  Her pouty lips parted but no sound slipped through. She shook her head and her hair bounced from side to side.

“Ok I’ll go get some help. Stay where you are so I can find you again.”

“No…” She said weakly. “I just need some clothes.”

“I’ll run back to the house it shouldn’t take too long. I’ll be back.”

I turn and started running back down the hill. After a 30 foot sprint down the hill, I slowed to a jiggley jog. My head whizzed thousands thoughts as I jogged down the hill. Who was this woman? What happened to her? Does her hair color come from a bottle? How come god didn’t bless me with rock hard abs?

[Via http://janephantasma.wordpress.com]

The Funny Thing About the Gym

I was at the gym the other day (isn’t that a cool thing to say, “hey, I was at the gym the other day, yeah, I was, I really was!” it’s so hard to follow a regimen and wake up early and go to the gym in the morning, but when my friends ask me to join them I’ll never say no, a man has got an ego to uphold…) and I’m minding my own business, I finished working out and checking myself (or women in tight clothing) out in the mirrors… so I start getting ready for my shower. Now whenever men are changing in the locker room, there’s the whole “I have naked men all around me and I don’t wanna look” thing going on, where you walk around naked (so you don’t look like you’re still in high school) but you still kinda feel uncomfortable… after 15 yrs of going to the gym, it’s still there – I thought I’d get immune to getting tunnel vision as scores of naked men walk past me, but I just can’t shake it – I don’t wanna see naked guys! I LOVE looking at naked women… and women, even though they don’t admit it, MUST love looking at naked women… but naked guys, it’s just not right, the male body ain’t sexy when it’s naked and walking around and things are all over the place…

ANYWAY so I see this guy, combing his hair, mafia style (you know, like both hands on the comb, fully concentrated on each and every hair as it gets placed by the passing comb…) except, he’s totally naked, in front of a full body mirror.

Ok, did you read what I just wrote? Go back and read it, or here it is again: the guy is nude, combing his hair as if he was going to his wedding, and he is in front of a full mirror – and it’s 8:30am and the locker is full of men getting ready for work…

UHM….. WHAT THE HELL?!

Put on a freaking pair of underwear pal, I didn’t look at his crotch, but the scene was absurb and obscene all at once, even from the back… it would have made for a good parody of a tacky calendar for women… but c’mon on man, have some decency.. it reminded me of the man I saw in the metro that was clipping his toe nails… yes, he was sitting there in the Montreal Subway system (which seems to have a glitch: the new tourniquet’s are 1 second late, causing everyone to slam into them after swiping their passes, a funny observation until it happens to you, over… and over…anyway -) so he is sitting there, clipping his toe nails – the fast that there happened to be someone sitting across from him eating a sandwich just made it all seem even more unreal… the crap people do in public… shouldn’t there a law against disturbing people’s visions?

Speaking of visions, apparently there are unisex locker rooms in Austria and Germany! I actually lived in Austria for 2 months, and had I known about this, I would have spent most of my time at the gym, in the locker room, more specifically, the showers… visualizing…  yes yes, the showers, ladies and gentlemen (how fitting) are for men and women, to share! So you’d be bench pressing at 8:05am, then waving at the cute girl next to you at 8:07am, then at 8:10am you’re SHOWERING’ naked, right next to her… nice nice very nice, as Borat would say “I liiike!” I think this is where I’m supposed to stop fantasizing and get back to work… just had 2 write this down…

I'm grateful for not being a member at THIS gym...

[Via http://anthonyhad2.wordpress.com]

Freckles of VH1's "Real Chance of Love 2: Back in the Saddle" is pregnant

We’re not sure who the father is, but it seems like Freckles is very pregnant. See the picture below. Freckles, in case you don’t remember her, was booted off the first episode.  Some blogs stated that Freckles is a lesbian/bisexual. So this is very interesting. Congrats!

[Via http://livelyindepthmusicentertainment.wordpress.com]

Eye humped you

As always, the people around me are responsible for/inspire most of the stuff I write.  Little things often lead to monumental Fails or Wins. (If things don’t lead to either of the two, then they aren’t worth character space).

Edit having recently visited Goa, was describing his trip to me.  In the middle of describing the scenic beaches and the amazing sun, the conversation veered to an erstwhile discussion between the two of us which was primarily about the dearth of attractive women in his(our) life(lives).  This was when he suddenly launched into a graphic account of how he saw some amazingly attractive(?) women in a street outside a night club in Goa.  As is protocol, I asked him the customary question Explorer: Did you get laid?

Edit: No.

Explorer:  Atleast dry-humping

Edit: No.  No dry-humping.  Only eye-humping.

These were his exact words.  My friend Edit did not realise that he has come up with an apt term which accounts for the sex lives of millions of Indians.  ”Eye-humping” can be broadly defined as  stripping people naked with the “mind’s eye” and performing gross/obscene sexual acts with them within the said “mind’s eye”.  Stud-max term has been brought into existence.  Eye-humping can only expand it’s horizons here-on.

[Via http://devratkamath.wordpress.com]

Hedonism II, Jamaica

For a resort that is all about freedom and sexuality it seems like a tabboo to be so limited to “just work.”  I had to sneak away for sex with a turkish gentlemen.  I’ll write about him later as “Turkish Gold.”  For now, I need to write out my frustrations of being in a candy store and not allowed any candy.   I am in Negril, Jamaica at a resort called Hedonism II which is 85% booked with Swingers.  Both naughty and nice couples and a few singles are all roaming and sucessfully socializing.  I can’t “play” since I am working as a representative for Dream Pleasure Tours, it would be a conflict of interest I am told.  I think there is more than that as a reason.  I have some feelings this political move was inspired by desire and embarassment rather than anything political.  I do however understand the politics involved enough to know that I don’t know enough yet to make a decision outside of the experienced Host and Hostess I work with’s direction and “rules.”  It is their company.   So I abide by all rules.  Since I am scared of being in this new environment as a single, it can work to my benifit.

Marketing ones self is as easy as branding yourself.  Personality is key around this group… so long as it is followed up with a young, hot, naked body.  I gravitated to the good looking, younger group of about 14.  They kept a good eye on me and I must say they all kissed pretty good!  One of which, I was very much impressed with.  She and I made out and made a great show for everyone one night in the large hot tub. 

I have to host a catamaran trip for snorkeling and cliff diving tomorrow.  A naked tour.  I look forward to it, with my sunscreen, camera and sun hat.  Maybe I’ll do some serious swimming to relieve some of my pent up energy.

[Via http://romanticvulgarity.wordpress.com]

SHO... NAKED... SOLO... IN ANAN!

MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE.

THIS.
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS:

Sho Sakurai First Time Nude in an·an Latest Issue
Sho Sakurai will be featured in an·an magazine which will be on sale on 20th january. 「In Arashi I am not the one with the sexy role right?」, Sakurai commented. He also commented that he was surprised to get such offer (to do the nude photoshot), and he got a personal trainer for this photoshoot. He will be nude from the upper part of the body to the bottom. With the title of “Men’s body”, Sakurai will be featured on the front cover and in 8 more pages inside the magazine. Pictures will feature him in underwear, or low worn jeans, and more!

~ adapted from a rough translation by matsubunny.

I… I… I COULD BARELY PROCESS THE JAPANESE COMMENTARY IN MY HEAD. I WAS PREOCCUPIED WITH TRYING TO STOP THE NOSEBLEED FROM SPLATTERING ALL OVER MY LAPTOP.

…but I managed to digest the ‘櫻井さんわ一人だけ。。。’ part enough to go GNLDST4398′;SAMGDJSKBGHS48LKSDNHGSD YES YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

I’VE BEEN WAITING ALL MY FANGIRL LIFE FOR THIS.
THIS = TASTEFUL SHOPORN.
8D

All previous doubts about pre-ordering this issue has banished. I’M GOING TO CALL KINOKUNIYA AFTER THIS!!!!!

AND YES, THE TEXT IS PURPOSEFULLY HUMONGOUS TO EMPHASISE MY MAXIMUM SHO FANGIRLING.

SERIOUSLY, HOW OFTEN DO WE GET LEGAL SHOPORN?!?! 8D

[Via http://vanillacherryice.wordpress.com]

Going Commando

So, as a woman, I would like to know how often you ‘go commando.’

Simply put, the term ‘going commando’ refers to wearing no underpants. I was curious the “official” defination, so I went to the Urban Dictionary (where I look up everything from soggy muffin to cholo) and the said to go commando is a cure for VPL. What is VPL you say? Either means visable panty line, or visable penis line.

I never wore underwear before I got pregnant. Why you ask?

-Feels more free

-Great conversation starter at the bar

-Cut down dramatically on laundry

So, am I the only one?  I must not be the only chick who does it, and I KNOW  there’s a lot of dudes that do it. I wanna hear it guys.

[Via http://dabeejill.wordpress.com]

Polish prostitute fined $820,000 (€564.000) for unpaid tax

Poland’s tax office has levied a fine of 2.3 million zlotys (507,000 pounds) on an unemployed woman for failing to pay tax on income worth at least 13.7 million zlotys (€3,5 million) she said she had earned as a prostitute.

The woman told the tax office in the southern city of Katowice that she had very “generous” customers, the website gazeta.pl, which is linked to leading Polish daily Gazeta Wyborcza, reported on Tuesday.

One of her clients paid the woman 5 million zlotys during the 1997-2002 period, she was quoted as saying.

The website gave no further details.

bron: af.reuters.com [12-1-2010]

[Via http://wocview.wordpress.com]

The Curious Omission

There was another. A friend, a lover, a foe who was discarded as a mere nuisance during the depiction of the legendary Adam and Eve. For when God created his very first human, to tend to his garden and to tease with his mysterious trees, The Tree of Knowledge and Good and Evil specifically, another man rose from the dust to begin all human life with Adam, his friend, his brother and his eventual lover. This man’s name is not known.

There were two missing days. And for those days that were remembered, The Unnamed One was neglected an entry. Hidden for eternity, but written none-the-less at one time on endless scrolls in the sky. These scrolls described the emergence of both Adam and The Unnamed One from little but a pile of dust and together they worked long days tending to beautifully unmasked garden whilst exchanging unapologetic lustful glances of curiousity towards one another.

It is true what is said; they were created naked, for God’s creation needed no clothing. There was no shame in difference. There was no chance of humiliation for it had not been realised. There was nothing but a single emotion. Love. Encapsulating a care for one another that the surrounding roaming animals, unequally blessed with inferior minds, were not capable or emotional enough to express. The human species was an experiment created from boredom and curiousity. And thus, both Adam and The Unnamed One would share this very same boredom and intrigue once created.

At night, they would share the soft grass together at the foot of The Tree of Life. The grass that rose up at night and bound the two men together, wrapping them comfortably and lending them shelter during the introduction of elements that would allow their garden to grow fruitful by morning.

Those two nights both men lay there together, exhausted by the days work and cradled by the roots of The Tree of Life and it was on the second of those nights, that they embraced one another and finally releasing an apprehensive mountainous lust, Adam quietly rolled away and pressed his back into The Unnamed One as at the same time, without word, The Unnamed One entered him with ease and a sigh of pleasure.

Their bodies entwined in pleasure for hours that night and after a release, each, by the two men, they drifted into an unprecedented slumber and dreamt of nothing but the loving arms they expected to be waking up, held tightly inside.

This was not the intention of the Almighty. As the beasts and animals had reproduced before, it seemed that although having twice the strength on tending to the crops day by day was a successful tool, certain uses for other essential organs had been overlooked. He knew that mankind could not exist alone without these tools and Love itself was not enough to overcome the gender problems they were unknowingly facing as the beginning of the human race.

This slumber was to be their last together. This slumber was the one that God insisted on removing Adam’s rib. And this was the slumber that Eve would be created.

It began to rain. And in this rain, Adam would have his memory of The Unnamed One cleaned, any remembered or lingering lust would be extinguished, any pheromones or scents would be washed from his body and his Love for The Unnamed One would be, upon waking, completely forgotten.

And it was. Adam awoke to Eve and it was as if they each had never loved another.

Whilst Adam slept and God removed his rib, The Unnamed One was cast from The Garden of Eden. God told him if he ever returned or interfered in life’s processes again Adam would be struck down and his eyes would be set alight by simply seeing such a thing. The Unnamed One understood this emphatically and retired to the shadows of the universe where the Sunlight had not yet shone.

He watched as Eve took up his duties and stole his Love away from him.

He cried and sat in shadows wallowing in memories of a day or two before.

He couldn’t stand it.

He saw the tree. He remembered the rules; the rules he had not remotely needed to know whilst in the midst of a Love affair as great as his and Adam’s.

He remembered The Tree of Knowledge and Good and Evil.

Upon his further exile he swiped at the tree in anger and frustration, snatching a single apple from its branches in hope that with the knowledge he could regain the attachment he had lost and fix the burning in his chest. At least, he knew, even if he could not gain the knowledge he desired then he would surely die, and that, would be an apt secondary outcome.

He stared at the apple for a moment before biting into it. His reflection glared out from the shiny red surface and then by tilting it furthermore he would see the reflection of both Adam and Eve.

He sunk his teeth into it and in that very same moment he knew what he had to do. His eyes were alight with ideas and spiteful knowledge of manipulation. He looked over at Eve and looked back at the apple he held tightly in his hand, defiantly smirking and licking his lips with a forked tongue.

Open wide and bite into the apple,

Dickie LeRoo

[Via http://dickieleroo.wordpress.com]

The Lover of My Being

Brazen strength with matchless beauty

Bronzed arms of iron sensitive

Calloused hands of cotton soft

Brawny muscle ripple under a chest of flesh

A chest of love that beats only for me

A day without him

Is a lifetime of loneliness

He loves my being for who I am

Not for what I will be

I know that in his eyes; I’m mint

Eyes of love survey my figure

Within my lover’s sight I am

When the sun shines on your face

I can’t help but want to be in your embrace

Take me in and let’s hold one another

In you I want to linger

Taste you and know you

Pleasures are found within the arms of my lover

He alone I find my affection

Within his gaze I bathe

His tender hands caress me

Washing me clean unto only himself

With choice perfumes I prepare myself for him

Readied in gowns he’s bought for me

Adorned in sapphires, diamonds, rubies, and pearls

Readied for me my lover prepares

A room, a bed, a gown … just for me

I yield my being for his enjoyment

Against his breast I lay my head

My body he embraces as I embrace his

His hands roam my body freely

His lips kiss my hidden places

His mouth drips with nuggets of love for me

His love I open myself to

I love to be in my lover’s arms

In my lover’s embrace I am

Lover of my being

Let me press against you

Feel your presence deep within my soul

Open my eyes

And let me know you

To you I submit

Know me fully, deeply, entirely

I am yours

And you are mine

The lover of my being

Here I am

Make me into what you want me to be

Take me into your arms

Make me do what you want me to do

I am yours

Completely

Yours

Jonathan Watson

January 10, 2010

It is my personal experience that I’ve often viewed my relationship with God in a way similarly as I view other relationships in my life, a father, a mentor, or some other figure that was or was not in my life.  I believe that many times we transpose an earthly relationship upon our heavenly father and seriously muddle the waters of what He longs for with us, an intimate relationship.  Oftentimes, we are less than comfortable bearing ourselves to those we say we love, let alone to God.  Our past hurts and insecurities limit our ability to be vulnerable and know the fullness of our Lover’s embrace.  The majority of this poem was written after worship at church yesterday.  It’s an analogy of how we are in the eyes of our lover, Jesus.  It has been a breath of true reality seeing the Lover of my soul through the lens of a conjugal relationship, one for which He created and established.  I love seeing Him as the one who loves me, fully.  It is a new vantage point for me; one that God has been revealing to me for the last two and a half years. 

As we are told in the Bible that God does sing and dance over his Bride, and though it might be a little “old school,” I think there’s a chance that God might sing the country song by Crystal Gayle called “Somebody Loves You.” And though I don’t really like how Steve Holy performs in his video, maybe God hopes that we might one day we might sing back to Him a song like “Good Morning Beautiful” By Steve Holy. 

Until later . . .

P.S. Wanna see more of my fastidious and incisive enponderments? I invite you to join me on the vectored dance floor of life as I muse on my journey through the terpsichorean edifice called life. Enter here.

Jonathan Watson

January 11, 2010

Blog: The Terpsichorean Vector

[Via http://theterpsichoreanvector.wordpress.com]

Identify The Most Popular Girl In This Picture

Post your comment identifying the most popular girl in this picture and please feel free to explain why.

Comments are encouraged.
I update at least once a day, often more.
If you enjoy this blog, check back often and share the link with your friends
Copyright 2010 Ian Spenser
No Rights Reserved.  All Wrongs Revenged

[Via http://ianspenser.wordpress.com]

Miley Cyrus Nude - Voted Worst Celebrity Influence of 2009

Miley Cyrus, the most pimped out star of the past three years with hit records, films, and those teenage tits and ass.  Now she’s been voted the worst celebrity influence of 2009 by tweens and teens, according to an online poll on Wednesday.

Cyrus, 16, took 42 percent of votes in the poll for AOL’s JSYK.com (Just So You Know) website aimed at 9-15 year-olds, pushing Britney Spears and rapper Kanye West into second and third places, respectively, in a section on worst celebrity influences of the year.

The ranking follows a year which has seen Cyrus blowing a 20 year-old model, making "slant eyes" in an informal snapshot mocking Asians, and being pole-dancing on a teen awards show.

Cyrus also came in No. 4 in the category of favorite female artist, behind 19-year-old country sensation Taylor Swift, "I Kissed a Girl" singer Katy Perry and R&B star Beyonce. The poll attracted almost 50,000 votes.

Oh just in case there any doubt that gravity defying boob to the right belongs to Miley the full frontal’s below:

 

[Via http://ianspenser.wordpress.com]

Raw Tiger on February 2009 Cover of "Vanity Fair"

Tiger Woods, on the cover of the February 2010 "Vanity Fair." Really, I think that this is adding to his troubles, but who knows? He has only one way to go, and that is up once more (Courtesy: VF)

Yup, it’s by house photographer Annie Leibovitz, and there’s an article that accompanies it.

Folks, it was done BEFORE the jumpoffs came out of the woodwork. I cannot believe this.

This is beginning to seem like one of those co-inky-dinks, like when Vanessa Williams became the first black Miss America 1984, and the second runner-up, Suzette Charles, just happened to be black, too. I still wonder whether the pageant people knew something was up, and only ditched Vanessa when the incriminating lesbian S & M photos came out. Charles was there like an insurance policy against a fck-up.

Like I said, to me, this looks more than just a coincidence. However, he didn’t have to crash his SUV, either.

Frankly, he’s looking like a thug in this cover photo. I’m not sure that I am digging this, but in retrospect, it looks like he was putting on, for the first time perhaps, his blackness. It makes me think of Joe Louis, the second black heavyweight boxing champion, and the antithesis of Jack Johnson. You know. That Jack Johnson, who bedded and wedded white women.

Tiger reminds me of both.

What do you think?

View This Poll
polls

[Via http://thisblksistaspage.wordpress.com]

Rapist's card leads to 15 years in prison

A man who gave his business card to one of three girls he raped was sentenced to 15 years in prison after he was found guilty in all three cases by a court in Nanjing, of east China’s Jiangsu province, local media reported Saturday.

The 30-year-old suspect had lured a girl into his car and then raped her in June 2009. Assuming the girl was a prostitute, the suspect gave his card to the victim and also forced the girl to reveal her phone number, the Modern Express reported.

The victim didn’t report the attack to police immediately for fear of losing face, but the suspect kept harassing her.

The suspect was easily caught with the phone number provided by the victim and was found guilty through DNA checks of raping two other girls in 2005. He also robbed 1,000 yuan and a cell phone from the victims in 2005.

bron: www.chinadaily.cn [2-1-2010]

[Via http://wocview.wordpress.com]

2 Years BP: 12/31/07

My one moment summation of three years with Kate, was also one of the final moments. We had plans to spend the night. She would never spend Christmas, or even Christmas Eve, with me and my family, despite the fact that my parents loved her so much they hung a stocking with her name on it right next to mine. They treated her nicer than they treat me, but she still wouldn’t sacrifice a holiday after three, increasingly tedious, years.

And since the prior two New Year Eves together involved her passing out or vomiting by 10pm, she promised me a good one, finally.  But she blew me off with this whole song and dance that was so flimsy I don’t even remember the specifics. Of course, it later came to light that she had been cheating on me for six months at this point.  So I hit the wall…and not just in the figurative sense.  I told her it was over, for real this time.

I proceded to spend the entire day punishing my liver and trying to forget that the last three years of my life even happened.

[Via http://100girls100days.com]